What to do when your child wakes up crying after every nap

UPDATE:

Since I posted this exchange I had with another mom, I have had a phone conversation with her.

It turns out I was recording the call, because it was a Mastermind phone conference. She and I belong to this group of like-minded entrepreneurs trying to make a difference and I like to replay the calls, the good ideas, the good vibes.

I am posting here the audio recording of what she said, two weeks after trying out the sensory techniques I suggested when she first asked for help with her daughter who would wake up crying for a long time after every nap.

Audio Clip: Irina’s Success

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[12/21/11 8:43:28 AM] Irina Belska:

Hi Kim, how are you? My daughter after day sleep often wake up with big cry, I wondering what can be the reason and what I can do about it? It is took about 20 min to calm her down.

[12/21/11 8:44:14 AM] Kim Pomares:

Yes, I have seen this before

[12/21/11 8:45:05 AM] Irina Belska:

and what it can be and what to do?

after night sleep all is ok

[12/21/11 8:45:56 AM] Kim Pomares:

Ill ask my mother.

[12/21/11 8:46:14 AM] Irina Belska:

thanks Kim!

[12/21/11 8:47:15 AM] Kim Pomares:

Here is what she says.

I’ll copy and paste and then explain

strawberry and ice, gentle claw every hour for 3 days

then same every two hours with smell every hour

I would also set the multi texture path for 2 weeks somewhere, and music at bedtime

Translation:

Strawberry and Ice is a protocol to use when she wakes up from a nap. Present a strawberry fragrance and apply ice to a sensitive spot on her body

You can make it into a game

One parent sent us a video where the child placed his hands on a bag of frozen peas, then lifted up his arms real high, then the parent would present a jar of strawberry jam (for the smell), then the child would place his hands back on the cold bag

and so on a couple of times

So long as she gets to smell strawberry and feel ice cold in some way

Strawberry fragrance is the only one we know of that prompts activity in the brain stem. All the other smells that have been studied with MRI’s only show activity in the cortex

And ice is there to help stop all activities in the brain for a fraction of a second

Cold is a powerful danger signal to the brain and so the brain will stop everything it is doing to focus on processing that signal

It’s an effective way of “distracting” her brain from whatever is causing the crying

Makes sense?

[12/21/11 8:53:00 AM] Irina Belska:

very interesting! make sense

[12/21/11 8:53:20 AM] Kim Pomares:

Then there are the protocols that you ahve to do with her throughout the day.

Let me explain those

gentle claw every hour for 3 days

It means a very nice back rub about every hour throughout the day

Does she like gentle touch?

Or does she find it irritating?

[12/21/11 8:56:12 AM] Irina Belska:

seems like it, my husband just try it

[12/21/11 8:56:37 AM] Kim Pomares:

The way to know if it worked is if she relaxes

Did she relax?

The gentle rub will not work very well to stop the crying, but it works well to help her recover after she cried.

To stop the crying, it has to be the “strawberry and ice” protocol.

[12/21/11 8:58:05 AM] Irina Belska:

she was laid down and laught

[12/21/11 8:58:28 AM] Kim Pomares:

Did she lie down after you did the gentle rub?

[12/21/11 8:58:52 AM] Irina Belska:

while doing rub

[12/21/11 8:59:15 AM] Kim Pomares:

Hmmmm… It looks as though she did not really like it

[12/21/11 8:59:35 AM] Irina Belska:

aha!

[12/21/11 8:59:51 AM] Kim Pomares:

What you describe sounds like the kind of reaction we get from children who find gentle touch less than very pleasurable.

You may need to be creative about the gentle touch exercise

It may work better on her forehead

Around her face

But be careful not to be intrusive

[12/21/11 9:00:42 AM] Irina Belska:

the goal is to relax?

[12/21/11 9:00:50 AM] Kim Pomares:

Exactly

Many kids yawn after it

[12/21/11 9:01:17 AM] Irina Belska:

then she relax when I do it

I was doing today it to her intuitevly and she was very relaxed

[12/21/11 9:01:51 AM] Kim Pomares:

There you go!

Alright so do this throughout the day, hourly, for three days

And every time she wakes up, whether or not she cries, do the strawberry and ice

[12/21/11 9:03:00 AM] Irina Belska:

try to remember!

also after night?

or only daytime?

[12/21/11 9:03:36 AM] Kim Pomares:

If she wakes up crying after a nap, it will help her calm down. If she wakes up and does not cry, it will help preventatively.

Everything I tell you, only do them when she is awake

[12/21/11 9:04:24 AM] Irina Belska:

when she completely awake?

or start to awake?

[12/21/11 9:04:37 AM] Kim Pomares:

Completely awake

[12/21/11 9:04:39 AM] Irina Belska:

ok

[12/21/11 9:05:17 AM] Kim Pomares:

Then, after three days, you alternate Gentle Claw with Gentle Claw + Smell

Still every hour, throughout the day.

For Gentle Claw and Smell, it can be any smell she really likes?

What smell does she really like?

Cookies? Flower? Lemon? Vanilla? Peppermint? Lavender? Carrot?

[12/21/11 9:06:59 AM] Irina Belska:

hmmm…really don’t know what smells she likes

[12/21/11 9:07:09 AM] Kim Pomares:

Have fun exploring with her

You could take her to a health store, the kind that would sell essential oils.

Natural oils are better. The fewer chemicals we are exposed to the better.

These stores usually have lots of samples

She has to really like it, so if she doesn’t like the natural ones, then it’s OK to explore the shampoo aisle at the store

Some of these shampoos smell very nice!

Or soaps

Or jams

sauces

anything, so long as she really likes it

When you smell something you really like, you help your brain regulate its levels of dopamine

When you experience pleasurable, gentle touch, you help your brain regulate its levels of Serotonin

There are many ways to do these things, but smell and touch are the most direct and effective

And they have been studied properly in research labs

Got it?

[12/21/11 9:11:46 AM] Irina Belska:

so first 3 days strawberry and ice

then smells what she like

no ice anymore?

[12/21/11 9:12:34 AM] Kim Pomares:

For the first three days, strawberry and ice whenever she wakes up from a nap, crying or not.

Then after that use the strawberry and ice only when she cries.

For the first three days, throughout the day, gentle claw every hour

Then after that, alternate every hour between Gentle Claw and Gentle Claw + Smell

For 10 – 12 days, for a total of 14 – 15 days

She will be a lot better after that, but not completely recovered. She will need more, but we would need to know more about your daughter to be able to give you other protocols

But she will be a lot better

Now there are two more things

Make up a long path somewhere in your house with multiple textures

Don’t give her instructions about it, just prepare it and leave it there for her to explore, walk on it.

One of them should be astro turf

And make it as contrasted as possible, both in terms of textures and thickness

You still there?

[12/21/11 9:17:48 AM] Irina Belska:

yea

[12/21/11 9:17:54 AM] Kim Pomares:

[12/21/11 9:18:00 AM] Irina Belska:

what is astro turf?

[12/21/11 9:18:27 AM] Kim Pomares:

Fake grass, usually as welcom mats outside your front door

And the last one is:

Music at bedtime

Any piece so long as: 1) She likes it, 2) It is mostly calm, 3) No words, 4) More than one instrument playing at the same time

Ideally with headphones, but it is rare when a child will enjoy listening to music with headphones

[12/21/11 9:21:08 AM] Irina Belska:

meditative music?

[12/21/11 9:21:28 AM] Kim Pomares:

Meditative music is not the best for this

It’s OK, not ideal

[12/21/11 9:22:03 AM] Irina Belska:

ok, do you have some band names as example?

[12/21/11 9:22:11 AM] Kim Pomares:

Chopin’s 1st Piano concerto, 2nd movement is ideal…

[12/21/11 9:22:40 AM] Irina Belska:

good! than we try this

[12/21/11 9:22:43 AM] Kim Pomares:

Romantic Movie scores work well too

She has to really like it

again, she will relax

[12/21/11 9:23:30 AM] Irina Belska:

do I need to do strawberry also when she wake up after night sleep or only after daytime?

[12/21/11 9:23:45 AM] Kim Pomares:

Only after daytime nap

[12/21/11 9:23:51 AM] Irina Belska:

ok

also question, she often bang her head against my or husband very strongly, that it is really painful

[12/21/11 9:24:51 AM] Kim Pomares:

That’s not good

That’s real distress.

These protocols I gave you will help with that

With better regulated Serotonin and Dopamine she will experience less distress, but it may need more “repair”

[12/21/11 9:27:24 AM] Irina Belska:

so first I will do this first protocol and than we see

[12/21/11 9:27:33 AM] Kim Pomares:

Yes

[12/21/11 9:28:54 AM] Irina Belska:

ok, thanks a lot, now I have what to do for 2 weeks

[12/21/11 9:29:23 AM] Kim Pomares:

Glad I could help

[12/21/11 9:29:51 AM] Irina Belska:

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